I find myself here every year. Sitting on my bed with pillows surrounding me. My flickering candles are slowly filling the room with the scent of vanilla. Stack of old journals right beside me. 14 to be exact. Cup of mint hot tea. And my pandora is on, finally switched from the Christmas station to slow jazz. Soft sound of raindrops in the background. Oh Washington, you never disappoint me. 😉 I’ve been meaning to write in here the past few weeks but of course, the holidays kept me running around from one event to another, and it’s so nice to finally find myself here. Enjoying a peaceful, quiet moment to myself. With no distractions. No more “to do’s” to complete. I am going to cherish it because I know it won’t last too long… 😉
I’m not the kind of girl that likes to go down memory lane too often. I used to be that girl. But not anymore. Either way, every time the new year comes around I make sure to set aside some time where I can pull out those old, dusty journals of mine and reflect back on my life. This one time during the year I allow myself to dig deep into the past and remember the journey I went through to get to where I am today, and who I have become. It is such a bittersweet few hours. But I absolutely love it. I love it because I can pick up a journal from when I was 15 and read about all of my struggles, worries, and anticipations and already know how everything unfolds at the end. I remember the different things that I went through that built my character and shaped me into who I am today. The things that broke me. The things that uplifted me. Oh… time spent in memory lane can be fun… if you don’t stay there TOO long. 😉
As I flip through the pages of those journals and stop to read a few pages here and there one thing keeps on standing out to me. One thing that remains constant throughout each page, each word, and each memory. God was there in every moment. On every page. Through the highlights of my life down to the lowlights. Through the tears, the fears, the excitement, the anticipation. No matter where I happened to be, I always found Him right beside me.
Every year I set new goals and resolutions. I envision how the year will unfold. I imagine what will happen in the days to come. But no matter how I plan and no matter what I do to make things turn out exactly how I want them to… God usually has a plan of His own. Which is a pretty good thing, because His plan always turns out way better than mine. 😉 Of course my plans only include rainbows, butterflies, sunshine, and all things happy, but His plan usually includes a few things that are quite the opposite.
As I sit here and contemplate my future and think about the goals that I want to accomplish in 2012 I am excited and encouraged knowing that it doesn’t really matter exactly where my path takes me this year. It doesn’t really matter if things turn out perfectly as I want them to. It doesn’t matter if my next journal entries will be full of tears or laughter. I have learned that things in life are always changing. People come into your life. And then they go. Sometimes they slowly fade away into the background until they no longer play a significant role in your life. Sometimes they quickly disappear with no warning. But even though circumstances change, even though people come and go, one thing remains the same. God is always there. Every step of the way. And He never gives you more than you can handle. He’s there to hold your hand when you need someone to guide you, He’s there to lend you a shoulder to cry on, He’s there to share in your joy and excitement when your dreams come true and things in your life fall into place. No matter where the road leads you, He is there.
Today the future seems exciting yet uncertain. I have so much anticipation for the year ahead of me. I’m looking forward to going out and purchasing a brand new journal. One more to re-read for next year. One that will be filled with incredible memories. One where I will continue recording everything God teaches me along the way.
I’m not worried about what tomorrow will bring. I’m not worried about where I will find myself in one year. Because I know that God is in my tomorrow. And every day after that. Just like He was in all of my yesterday’s. God has a journey already set for me, and though I don’t know where this journey will take me exactly, I am looking forward to travelling it with Him right beside me. I know that this year no matter the many changes that may take place, one thing will never change: the fact that God loves me and that He will be guiding me every single step of the way. 🙂
Here’s to 2012 and a brand new journal! I hope whether you take the time to write down your “story” or not you at least take the time to reflect back on it once in a while… AND thank God for being in it. May your journey this year truly be a blessed one!! With God right next to you… you can be sure that that’s one thing it will definitely be. 🙂