Why are you single?

When I first created this blog I decided that it would be a place where I could share what God’s been putting on my heart – whether it’s through His Word, through a book, through anything at all. But it was definitely not going to be a place for me to vent. That’s what a diary is for. But… I have decided to break my “rule” just once. After all… the only people reading this are the ones who want to. And if you don’t want to, well… you can stop. Right here. 🙂

In one of my previous blog posts I wrote about singleness and the questions that people always ask us (oh so lucky) single people. “Do you have a boyfriend” – “When are you getting married” – “When’s that wedding invitation coming”… but this past week I had at least three people ask me the one question that I really have no clue how to answer anymore. “Why are you still single?” And they always mean it in a really nice way. “You’re so pretty and nice, you have a great job, you have a college degree, you love God, you’re really involved in church… you seem to have it all together – so then why do you have this one missing part… the part where you are still so very single?”  And that of course leads to more questions. “Well… since we don’t see anything wrong with you on the outside then there’s gotta be something wrong with you that we don’t know about. Are you too picky? Are you not social? Are you not praying hard enough?”  And then begins the game of “let’s figure out what’s wrong with Anna so we can help her find a nice young man to marry”. Well, that’s obviously not been working out very well. I still haven’t figured out what is so terribly wrong with me or what it is that I’m doing so “wrong” that keeps me single.

Although some people assume there’s something wrong with me other people think quite the opposite (thank you, thank you… that makes me feel a little better about myself). Over the years I always had (very nice) people send me this awesome quote to “encourage” me:

Personally, I think I’m a pretty average “apple”. And I don’t think a guy needs to be that brave to pursue me. But I’ll take being “amazing” over being someone with something wrong with me any day. 😉  I guess I just need start praying for a man who’s not scared of heights. 😉 Although I don’t think there’s something super “wrong” with me and I don’t think I’m the brightest, highest, or reddest apple on that tree I remember there being plenty of times in the past when I (along with all those people who ask too many questions) searched long and hard to find the answer to the question. I tried to figure out what it was that I was doing so wrong. What was so wrong with me. Why it was that I’m still single when I so obviously should not be. According to people’s standards of course. And I have yet to figure it out. When I do… I’ll make sure to shed some light here. 😉

But this past week after having this question be brought up multiple times by different people I finally felt like I’ve had enough of  hearing that question over and over again. I’ve had enough of trying to figure out what’s wrong. I’ve had enough of people telling me that for some reason just because I’m single my life is not “together”. I remember getting a book from a friend a while ago – it was about the 10 mistakes that singles make. And it made me think about all of the mistakes that I have made during my singleness. Mistakes of thinking that there is something terribly wrong with me. Mistakes of thinking I need a  man to “validate” me. To prove that I’m worth something in this world. Mistakes of thinking that my life wouldn’t “begin” until I had a ring on my finger because that’s what I’ve been told most of my life.

Well, I’ve learned my lesson through my mistakes. I’ve also learned to ignore the questions that people ask and the assumptions that they make and instead trust God for my future. Believe me… I’ve asked Him the question myself and so far the only answer I’m getting is that it’s just not that time yet. So I’ve given up on answering that question. And I don’t think any single girl should have to feel the way I often felt when I was asked that question. No girl should believe lies about who she is just because she is single. After all – everything happen’s in God’s timing. Who are people to say that just because you’re over 16 and single you “missed your chance” and something is wrong with you?

I’ve decided it’s time to share some of those “mistakes” that singles do make based off of the books that I read  and based off of my own personal experience. Hopefully it’ll be helpful for some of you awesome single people out there. 😉 And I’m sorry for venting on here. I’ll make sure to hold myself back next time. 😉 Be blessed!!

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6 thoughts on “Why are you single?

  1. I happened across your post by chance and i want to say a couple of things about something I noticed especially since you mentioned it more than once- but it still would’ve bothered me if you had only mentioned it one time… I realize that this is an old Post and you may very well not be in the same situation, but if you are and even if you want to think about how you were feeling during this time when you wrote this and how you would’ve felt if when you read my contrasting viewpoint at that time… We are probably very different people with very different opinions but I see no reason why any woman said ever be made to believe that she needs a man… Especially one that is not a dirty leg like- let’s be honest- the majority are- but, In a nutshell- a good woman with class that any guy would be lucky to have. I was bothered when I you mentioned that maybe you haven’t been praying hard enough for a man several times. I’m confused as to why a strong independent woman would want to give up being single quickly or easily at all that’s something I would CLING TO! I have found that single life is quite a bit easier/happier then not being single. I’m confused as to why so many people have said things like that to you, because there’s nothing that says you NEED to be in a hurry to get married. (Impulse decisions are always terrible) Couples are lame, and not only are they boring- they are BORED. Or fighting. People should not ever speak to any young woman (who has her Entire life to look forward to) like she is incomplete, or NEEDS a husband. Do everything else first. Granted kids are wonderful to have, more often than not, a husband is not wonderful to have. But they’re not going to admit that. People need to slow down… women especially need to take their time as long as they need to themselves, make sure that they’re engaged for several years and KNOW inside and out what you’re getting into. IF People are pressing for you to hurry up and get married it’s because they’re jealous that they’re not in your situation I’d better were all MISERABLY married who said that to you… you probably represent freedom to them that they gave up too young and regret and they don’t want to be reminded about it anymore and therefore are pressuring you to get married so that your life will suck and they will feel better about themselves that’s probably the only reason. Even if you thought they were trying to say in a nice way, or trying to complement you… No they weren’t- that has passive aggressive written all over it, and it’s what you call a backhanded compliment- it is an insult in disguise.

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  2. Pingback: From my heart to yours | A journey of faith...

  3. These are such a blessing to me, I get these same questions all the time and in a way it hurts, but I’ve spent 20 something years trying to find completion in human men, its time to find my completion in Jesus. Thanks so much Anna. I’m going to keep reading these

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  4. I am being honest when I say being a single Christian woman in our society gets a lot of these types of questions, not just from others, but as you pointed out from oneself. There’s “nothing” wrong with you~God’s plan is perfect and if he wanted you to be “not-single” you would be. After all,you are a daughter of the King…
    Hope this makes sense…
    Blessings in Jesus,
    ~streim~

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