Last week I came across one of my old journals lying on my bed. I’m not sure how it got there… (I hope my little sister wasn’t reading it) 😉 So of course, I decided to pick it up and read a few pages.
Flipping through those first couple of pages and skimming through what I had written about I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and think to myself… “I need to cross off everything I just wrote here and in huge letters write over it “May God’s Will not mine be done and next time use a pencil instead of a pen because you’ll have a lot of erasing to do”. Because maybe 10% of what I had planned for my life five years ago actually came to pass. If I knew where I’d be today five years ago I would’ve thought to myself “how in the world did I end up there?” Not because I’m in a bad place but because I’m in a place that I didn’t plan to be in.
The interesting thing is now that I can look back and remember what it was that I was planning for my future five years ago and what actually happened I am so thankful that things turned out exactly how they did. Sure… my story didn’t go the way I originally wanted it to, but where I am today is in a much better place than I can imagine being in if life went according to my “perfect” plan.
This month especially was a big reality check of my “plans” not working out. I have been praying for three different but specific things to come to pass in my life. I did what I could on my end to make them happen… then I prayed and waited… and waited. Now I know not everything will work out the way I want it to and I would have been happy if just ONE thing that I was praying for actually worked out. I was so excited for the possibilities that were awaiting me. I was looking forward for having a reason to be ecstatic about. In fact when those opportunities came up all I could think was “this is IT for me, what I’ve been waiting for so long… if this will work out then… well, I’ll be really happy, I’ll finally have a chance to do something I never thought I would do”. But… one by one within the course of the month all I saw was each door of opportunity close right in front of my face. All I could hear was “no – this is not for you Anna”, “no – you’re not ready for this yet”, “no – it just ain’t gonna happen”.
And I’m not going to lie. I was disappointed that all three of my prayers resulted with the same answer “no” or “not now”. That I need to cross off those plans of mine because they won’t be coming to pass. But although I was disappointed I’m not discouraged… because I know that God’s plans are so much better than mine. Right now I don’t see how. I don’t understand why. But I know they are… so although mine aren’t working out – HIS will and I prefer His divine Will in my life coming to pass rather than my own even if it means I have a lot of crossing off to do of my plans, desires, ambitions…
I am still thinking about my future. What I want to do. Where I want to be. What I want to become. And re-reading those few pages of my journal was a good reminder to me that it’s ok to dream about the future. It’s ok to plan ahead. But whatever I plan, pray for, or pursue I have to always say “God’s Will…not mine be done”. Write them all out in pencil and not worry if they don’t come to pass. My plans are great but I know that God’s plans are much greater and most of the time…. they don’t follow my plan. So when things don’t turn out exactly how I hoped them to it’s ok. They will turn out even better at the end. One day I’ll see why. Maybe it’ll be in five years when I pick up the journal that I’m writing in today with all of my dreams, goals, and plans. Maybe then I’ll re-read what I had written and think to myself “Wow… God’s plan turned out so much better than the plans I have written in here”. 😉
So… don’t worry if your story isn’t unfolding the way you’d like it to. Don’t worry if your plans or dreams never turn into reality. God’s plan for your life is much better than the one you have planned for yourself. Trust Him as He leads you into your unknown future and know that whatever happens… will be for the best. 🙂 Be blessed!!