“I want to be perfect”

mirrorGrowing up I always wanted to be one thing: perfect.

I wanted to look in the mirror every morning and be proud of that girl that I saw staring back at me.

I wanted to do everything right in life.

I wanted to be the girl that woke up at 5am every morning so I could exercise for half an hour, eat a healthy breakfast, and spend at least half an hour with God before starting off my day.

I wanted to be the girl that saw the positive side in every hard situation and embraced everything that life threw at me with a big smile on my face.

I wanted to be the girl that truly loved and accepted everyone for who they were. Who never got angry, impatient, jealous, or annoyed with the people in my life. Who was selfless and always put others needs before my own.

I wanted to be the girl that didn’t have a care in the world because I knew God would take care of me. The girl that never tried to find her worth in people or things of the world because I found it in Christ.

The girl that made Jesus proud with everything I thought, I said, and I did.

The girl that had it all together. On the outside and on the inside.

The girl that loved everything about herself.

But when I look in the mirror, I don’t always see that perfect girl who has it all together.

In fact what I see is far from perfect.

I see a girl who is broken and doesn’t always have it all figured out.

A girl that as hard as she tries doesn’t always face the day with a positive attitude and a smile on her face.

A girl that doesn’t always give grace to others and love them unconditionally as Jesus would.

A girl that doesn’t always wake up early to eat right, exercise right, or start the day off with Jesus.

A girl that has worries and fears and is sometimes more selfish than the selfless person she wants to be.

And I don’t like that girl.

I used to always beat myself up (mentally) when I did something I wasn’t proud of. Said things I wish I didn’t say. Didn’t do something I should have done.

I would sit down and make a plan of how to change my ways.

I would create a schedule with how I would spend my day, a plan of how to treat people in my life, on how to discipline myself and get myself back on the right path.

I would create rules to follow so that I wouldn’t stray from being that perfect girl I wanted to be.

And sometimes they would work for one day, two days, maybe a week. But before long those plans always fell apart and I went back to that girl looking at her reflection in the mirror and not liking that person that I would see.

I was left brokenhearted because I felt like I always disappointed not only myself but also, God.

I wanted to be “perfect” for me, but even more so, I wanted to be perfect for Him.

I wanted Him to be proud of me. To be able to say “that’s MY girl, she has everything together!”

But I failed, day after day.

I would try so hard, but it was a never-ending cycle of trying, failing, and getting back up to try and fail once again.

My new years resolutions didn’t work. My schedules didn’t work. The rules and plans I created didn’t work. And eventually I realized I had to give up on being “perfect.”

I realized that all my efforts were in vain and I would have to live with being the imperfect girl that I was at the end of the day.

I realized that I had to stop beating myself up for always failing because the truth was that I was never going to become like Jesus on my own.

By my own efforts. By my own plans. By my own ambition.

I wouldn’t wake up in the morning and all of a sudden have the desire to spend half an hour reading God’s Word because I wrote it down in my planner the night before.

I wouldn’t start being kind, loving, and patient with others because that was on my “to do” list for that day.

I wouldn’t start living fearlessly and without worry because I told myself that’s what I had to do.

The only way I could every become a true reflection of Jesus, the only way I could be proud of that girl staring back at me in the mirror, the only way I could truly live a life worthy of the calling God has placed upon my life (Ephesians 4:1) is if I do it with Jesus’ help.

If I allow Him to guide my life instead of my own plans, rules, and ideas.

If I give up my own ambitions and efforts to do it on my own and rely on Him to help me become who I want to be in Him.

After many years of trying to become “perfect”, godly, and righteous on my own I have finally learned that it’s a pursuit I must give up.

I have learned that the only way I will ever be a beautiful reflection of Christ is by doing one thing alone: abiding in His presence.

Because life changes not after you create a set of rules to follow, but after you spend one-on-one time before your Saviour.

After you spend time with Jesus you will never want to live the same naturally, not because you” try to.”

You won’t want to walk the same. Talk the same. Or be the same.

You won’t be able to help but love those around you with a love you don’t understand because you know how much Jesus loved you.

You won’t be able to help but get up early to spend time with Jesus because you realize you have found that eternal treasure and true fulfillment that you have been seeking for your whole life (Matthew 13:44).

You won’t be able to help but remain positive and trust in the One who holds the world in His hands and has always been faithful to you in all His ways

You won’t be able to help but have a real smile when you face the day because of the joy you find in Him (Psalm 63:5-7).

The fruits of the spirit will flow naturally out of you. You will have peace in the midst of turmoil. You will be faithful in hardships. You will have self-control when temptations come your way. You will be able to die to the desires of your flesh not because you make yourself do so, but because you have Jesus in you and you can’t help but do so (Galatians 5:22-25).

And then you will be able to look in that mirror and be proud of that person you see because you will stop seeing the imperfect you, but you will start seeing the perfect Christ who is in you.

Today… don’t try so hard to do it on your own. To be the “perfect” person you want to be.

Only Jesus was perfect and by walking your every moment with Him and spending in His presence will you be able to reflect Him in all your ways.

So spend time with Him.

Surrender all your desires to Him.

Share all your weaknesses with Him.

He will help you become the person you want to be in Him.

Be a reflection of Christ in everything that you do today. Blessings!- Anna… ♥

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” –  Ephesians 5:1-2

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21 thoughts on ““I want to be perfect”

  1. Wow! I agree 100%. I used to be like that… wanting to say, do, feel, want the right things but always failing because I had the wrong mindset. Coming to this realisation was one of the best things that ever happened to my Christian life. Now that I have learnt to rest in Him, I am freer, more joyful and way more care free than I used to be but weirdly enough I have made much more progress.

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  2. I could have written this (not nearly as well as you) because these are my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for capturing what many of us feel when we look in the mirror. I thank God every day that He is a forgiving God and that He loves me regardless of what I do or do not do.

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  3. I loved this post. I was exactly like you – wanting to be ‘perfect’ in every aspect of my life. But what is perfection anyway? I realised that perfection does not exist, so in striving to be perfect, I was setting up an impossible task for myself. Now say to myself “Whatever you do, imagine that you are doing it for God”, and this helps me to do this well and with love and honesty.

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    • You are right- perfection doesn’t exist (fortunately or unfortunately – depending on how you want to look at it). That’s such a great concept to live by! (Doing everything like you’re doing it for Jesus). Once we start truly living that way will we really be genuine in everything that we do!

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  4. Haha! This has me all over it! There’s a song, I can’t remember the artist, called “Don’t Try so Hard.” I have to remember that daily! This is very well written and oh so very true! Thanks for posting it!

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  5. Anna, what you’ve shared is so profound. I’m guilty of looking at the woman in the mirror, only to see many imperfections (and I don’t mean just physically). I think if we decide to see ourselves the way the Lord sees us – we will remember that we are complete in Him and truly rest in His presence.

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    • So beautifully said Mary! Only by looking at ourselves as Jesus does will we be able to remember that we are His and that we will change those things we don’t like with His guidance and work in our hearts and in our lives. 🙂 Hope you have a lovely day!

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  6. Amazing post Anna. I liked this line the best:

    Because life changes not after you create a set of rules to follow, but after you spend one-on-one time before your Saviour.

    So profound. God bless you.

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  7. Pingback: We Are What We See | The Jittery Goat

  8. Amen all over the place!! 🙂 I love what you said, “I have learned that the only way I will ever be a beautiful reflection of Christ is by doing one thing alone: abiding in His presence.” The only way we can do anything! It takes awhile to come to this realization and at times I still struggle with trying “to do” for Jesus what only He could do for me. But praise God cuz His grace is sufficient for all things! Only He can make us beautiful.

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    • Amen! Once we realize that it’s not by our own efforts but by His grace and our continual time spent in His presence will we only become like Him will we truly have the freedom to stop trying so hard to please Him on our own. Like you said… only God can make us beautiful, without Him in our lives we will always come up short in becoming all He’s called us to be!

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