“I’m not the person I want to be”

Ideal Me2Can I be really honest with all of you?

Sometimes I really don’t like myself.

I wake up in the morning and I don’t like the reflection of the girl I see in the mirror.

Not because I’m having a bad hair day (although that may be the case at times) but because I’m far from the person I want to be.

I have so many great intentions of becoming this “better person”, of becoming more like Jesus, of fulfilling His purposes for my life and I just fall flat on my face.

It’s not that I have a problem with keeping the New Year’s Resolution’s I created more than half a year ago.

I have a problem with keeping the goals I made just yesterday.

I have this constant desire to improve.

I ask God for guidance and then I create my plan of how to.

And it only takes but a few moments to pass before I break them once again.

Before I oversleep that morning prayer time I have set.

Before I respond negatively to a hard situation.

Before I start counting my problems instead of my blessings.

I feel like Paul when he said in Romans 7:18-19 “I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing”

That’s me right there.

Always desiring to be good.

And always failing at it.

Always wondering if it’s even worth it for me to try again.

If I will ever reach that point where I will be satisfied with the person that I am.

If I will ever do what I desire instead of just the opposite.

I am tempted to give up and use the excuse that everyone uses “This is just the way I am.”

I might as well not set one more goal because I am bound to fail.

I might as well not get back up one more time because I am bound to fall.

I might as well not give it one more shot, because I am bound to miss.

And the truth is yes, that’s the way I am and that’s the way you are.

Sinful by nature.

Bound to fail.

Likely to fall.

But I have good news for you – when you are Christ’s you no longer live by your sinful nature.

You no longer have an excuse of being “just the way you are” because now with the help of the Holy Spirit you are called to live just the way Jesus is.

I love this quote that I read recently:

“Instead of using ‘I’m human’ as an excuse to walk in the flesh try using ‘I’m saved’ as a reason to walk in the Spirit”

Yes, there will be days you will fail.

There will be days you will not do what you desire.

There will be days you won’t like the person you see in the mirror.

But that’s not unusual because even when you are a believer, even when you have a new, holy nature with Christ you still have an enemy who will do anything he can to make you stumble.

To make you resort to your old ways.

To make you give in to temptations.

Every day you live there is a constant battle between your flesh and your Spirit (Galatians 5:17). Between the holy, selfless person you want to be and the sinful, selfish person your enemy wants you to remain.

There will always be a conflict between what you want to do and what you don’t want to do.

A conflict between the person you are and the person you want to become with Christ.

Not because there is something wrong with you.

But because we live in a sinful world with an enemy that will do everything in his power to keep you right where you’re at.

But don’t be discouraged.

Because we may be sinful by nature, but Christ is holy by nature.

We may be bound to fail, but Christ will always overcome.

We may be likely to fall, but Christ will never fall.

Next time you look in the mirror and you don’t like the person you see, don’t be discouraged about where you’re at.

Don’t make and excuse for staying there either.

But remind yourself that with God’s help today you will be the person He wants you to be.

You will get back up and take that step forward no matter how many times you fall.

You will repent, renew your mind, and walk in the Spirit no matter how many times you fail.

You will fight against the desires of the flesh instead of submit to them once again.

You may not be the person you want to be.

You may have a lot of things to work on.

Many habits to change.

Many goals to set.

But never give up on yourself.

With God’s just like Paul, you can learn to live by His nature, instead of yours.

You can learn to adopt His thoughts for yours.

You can trade in your weakness for His power.

You can let go of your shame and guilt and live by His grace and strength.

You can be that person you want to be…not because you try hard enough, but because of who you have living inside of you.

With Him walking next to you every single day your character, your thoughts, your life will transform to be like His with time.

Today… walk according to the Spirit. Be kind to the person in the mirror. And never give up. God is not finished with you yet! Be blessed! -Anna… ♥

 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. – Galatians 5:24-25

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22 thoughts on ““I’m not the person I want to be”

  1. …hello, I’m Stephen, wanted to say hi, I’ve read your thoughts (and older posts) and I am blessed that you are sharing your heart. I’ve been meaning to reply to one of them 🙂
    One thing I struggle with is I forget how God sees me, I look in the mirror and it’s a mess, it is actually much worse because the mirror does not reveal who I really am, it reveals my failure at me trying to be the Christian I want to be. The mirror does not reveal my soul nor my heart, how both are just evil, lustful, angry, envy… But it is this mess, this sinful mess that God loved first. Song of Solomon has a beautiful verse 4:7 “You are absolutely beautiful, my darling, with no imperfection in you.” …to think that God see us, His bride with no imperfection because of Jesus on the Cross, that fills me up with smiles, tears and leaves my soul in a place where it has no words or emotions to express that God does not see my mess, that God looks on Christ and pardons me. We need to remember who we are in Christ, how God sees us, and we both know we have done nothing to deserve such Mercy, Love and Grace yet He loves us first. Be bless my sister, I’m glad I found your blog. -stephen

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    • Hi Stephen! I think we all struggle with being the Christian we want to be (to some extent) . It’s good to not see a skewed version of yourself when you look in the mirror, it’s also just as important to see how God sees you. No matter how broken and “ugly” we may be, He sees us as the beautiful masterpiece He created us to be in His own image. We are beyond blessed to have such a gracious God who looks beyond our sin and faults and uses those things we don’t like about ourselves to create something beautiful out of us.

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  2. This is an awesome post! It’s so real and resonates so much because I, too, feel like Paul most days. I love how you bolded, underlined and did little things like that so that a person just skimming through still got a lot of truth out of it.

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    • Thanks Logan. I’m glad I’m not the only “Paul” around here 🙂 And that’s great to know that my underlining/bolding makes somewhat of a difference (I have no clue why I even do it sometimes) 🙂 Hope you have a blessed night!

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  3. “Instead of using ‘I’m human’ as an excuse to walk in the flesh try using ‘I’m saved’ as a reason to walk in the Spirit”, love that quote Anna.. This post is (many of us most days), but I praise God that we can press on toward the upward call of God in Christ Jesus our LORD!

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    • Me too! I had this whole post planned out in my mind so when I stumbled upon that quote I was so excited to use it! I’m glad that I’m not the only one who has those “days” (because sometimes I feel like I am) but with Christ’s help we can all keep on pressing on with Him and become more like Him each new day!

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  4. This is a wonderful post girl. God is doing a great work through you already, this is awesome. I pray you don’t feel that way when you look into the mirror, you are beautiful, you are a masterpiece created by the One True Living God, Hallelujah! So keep on smiling and keep on writing, God wants you to share it all, it will benefit many others. You will be a blessing to their lives. God bless.

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    • I’m glad that the experiences I go through and the lessons God teaches me through them is beneficial not only to me, but also to others who may happen to read about them (even if at times they aren’t one’s I would care to share with the whole world). 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. God bless you!

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