You know who I am talking about. You feel broken and worthless. You weren’t always like this. You didn’t always have cuts on your body. You didn’t always skip meals or purge them up. You didn’t always avoid mirrors and scales like they were plagues.
But someone hurt you.
I know they did because I’ve been hurt too.
I know what it’s like to be bullied.
Every single one of my friends would turn on me and call me horrible names, from “fat” to “stupid” and many that were much worst.
I would tell others but they didn’t believe me and if they did they thought I was being dramatic about it.
So, who hurt you? Who is the reason behind the scars on your body and the pain in your heart?
Was it family, friends, or maybe just people you knew?
I know how you feel.
I’ve been in your shoes before.
I was in deep, addicted to anything that would help cover up my pain.
You may have tried to stop but couldn’t as people continued to hurt you with their words.
Please put down the blade.
You feel like you need it, but you really don’t.
And please don’t skip meals and purge.
I’ve been there many times before.
I could go days without a single morsel of food in my body. I would tell myself and others that I wasn’t hungry, but I was. And when I would finally eat to please the people around me, I wouldn’t keep it down. I would rather throw it all back up just to feel like I was skinny, which in my mind meant that I was pretty.
You think you’ll be more beautiful because you’ll be skinny but do you know know how unhealthy it is?
That the very thing you think will make you more attractive to the people around you is the thing that can kill you. But do you even care?
A size zero is not beautiful. Skinny doesn’t always mean pretty, remember that.
You are beautiful no matter what anyone says.
You are loved even when you don’t feel it, even when you think nobody cares.
Three of my friends self-harmed themselves and it wasn’t until they finally opened about the past that they had hidden so well that I finally knew.
Often times it’s so easy to think you are alone in this, but you are not.
There are so many people out there just like you, hiding behind perfect smiles.
Never forget that you are never alone and that you have someone who cares.
You have a Heavenly Father who knows you personally.
He knows every little detail of your life even before you were born.
He sees your tears and He sees your pain and He is waiting with open arms to comfort you, heal your heart, and give you strength to face one more day (Psalm 139:13-16).
Do you ever just want this all to end?
To wake up in the morning and turn your hurt into prayers rather than into bruises on your arm?
To not allow words that people say tear you apart from the inside out?
To not skip meals just so you can look at yourself in the mirror?
First, you begin by having the desire to.
And remember, that it’s not going to be easy.
You might relapse, but that’s okay.
With God’s help you can try again.
Remember that one cut is never one cut, one skipped meal is never one skipped meal.
It begins with one… and ends up being so much more.
My best friend once asked me why I wanted to stop self-harming if it felt so good and I said “Because I know I have to. It’s dangerous and could kill me, and I have no right to harm myself despite the absolute hell I’m going through”
He came back with one of the hardest things I have ever heard, though I needed to hear it.
“Dangerous? Well yeah. Maybe you could get an infection or maybe it could be a gateway to suicide or something, but what I’m aiming at is it’s the same reason excessive drinking is wrong. Same reason lust and adultery are wrong. The Bible says that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. You have absolutely no right to harm it.”
Let that sink in.
The Bible says we should not cut ourselves. (Deuteronomy 14:1-2)
Your body is a temple.
It’s a dwelling place for God.
That same friend once told me that my wrist is not mine to cut.
My body isn’t mine to abuse because I am God’s daughter.
Never say your body is your own because it isn’t.
Next time you are tempted to hurt yourself or purge or not eat remember that.
You’re a child of the One true King.
That’s all that matters in the end.
When you hear the little voices in your head telling you to skip one more meal or to cut yourself rebuke them with Jesus’ name and know that you are not fighting this battle alone.
God is with you every step of the way.
Today I am a warrior.
I am a survivor.
Five months clean.
What should have killed me only left at a scar and made me stronger.
My scars will always be a part of me, but they do not define me.
They are on my stomach and on my arms but that’s okay.
Jesus had scars on His hands and feet and those scars cover mine.
It is by His wounds that I am healed every day.
And you can be too.
Stay strong and remember how beautiful you are.
I have this written on my mirror “This can’t define you if you don’t let it” and “Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect” (Demi Lovato)
Recovery isn’t easy but it’s worth it.
Here are some Bible verses that really helped me through my difficult times:
Psalms 8:3-4 – 1 Peter 3:3-4 – Song of Songs 4:7 – Exodus 14:14 – Psalms 71:20-21
Colossians 1:16-17 – Psalm 147:3-6 – 1 Peter 5:7-9 – 1 Corinthians 10:13
Take it one day at a time with Jesus and allow Him to begin by restoring your pain and healing your scars
Just like medicine is to a broken body, He is the healer to the hurting heart.
Run to Him and allow Him to take care of you.
The girl who God made whole again.
[Sidenote]: This was written by a wonderful reader (who wishes to remain anonymous) but wanted to share her story and encourage anyone is going through anything she has went through.
If you are at the lowest of lows please remember that you are NEVER alone and that this is not a battle you fight alone. With Jesus you will always have hope for a better tomorrow and a reason to get up every morning.
Make sure to find a group of people you trust who can support you and encourage you during this time and feel free to email me at any time, I would love to pray for you and encourage you.
You can overcome and be a survivor just like this girl. Never give up the fight. With much love- Anna… ♥
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” – Exodus 14:14
[Image creator unknown. Please respond if you know the author so credit can be given.]