He told me I had to start looking for a new job.
It was totally unexpected and out of the blue.
Just like that I found myself standing with a closed door in front of me and an uncertain road ahead.
The weird thing is that after getting over the initial shock of the fact that my life was about to change instead of being worried about the future I had this peace in my heart that made absolutely no sense.
Not just peace, but excitement because I know God doesn’t close doors without opening new ones and though uncertain, I know that He knows what He’s doing and He’ll get me on the next path that He wants me on.
I felt like Peter when he found himself in the middle of the storm walking on water with this total confidence that as long as I looked to Jesus He would help me keep on going with Him.
Waves are all around me and my steps are a little shaky but as long as I trust Jesus I’ll get to where I need to be.
Some of my co-workers were talking about having to look for a new job and how what happened next was up to them because they were in control of their destiny.
And all I could think was “I’m not worried because I’m not in control of my destiny. GOD is.”
I had this sure confidence that everything would turn out alright.
Losing my job might shake me a little and stretch my faith but it would not only be an end, but a brand new beginning for me.
An opportunity to step into something else that God has in store.
I knew that even though I didn’t see the big picture I could trust God in my circumstance.
Nothing could destroy my faith.
Or so I thought.
Because a funny thing happened two days ago.
Something seemingly insignificant but it made me take my eyes off of Jesus and fall apart.
My check engine light went on in my car.
And it kind of went downhill from there.
The last time that light went on in my car I had to pay almost a thousand dollars to have my car fixed and all I could think at that moment was “I can’t afford that right now. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have my job.”
Then I thought about how I was going to the dentist the next day and the dentist thought that I might need a root canal for one of my teeth and I couldn’t afford that either.
And then I thought what if God won’t come through for me and there is no open door at the end of this whole thing?
What if I can’t afford to pay rent and need to move out of my apartment?
What if there is no blessing in disguise or silver lining that I can’t see?
And just like that my fears took over and my faith came tumbling down as I kept on thinking about all the things that could go wrong.
Like Peter I stopped looking at Jesus and started looking at the waves crashing around me, at my uncertain situation, and that peace and joy and certainly I felt before all slipped away.
I spend so much time encouraging people on my blog to trust in God but now that I found myself in the middle of the storm I wondered if I trusted Him myself.
I wondered if I truly believed that God would make a way.
I had a vulnerable moment (as I’m sure you have at some point) and the enemy made sure to use it against me.
To get me so distracted by my circumstances that I took my gaze off of Jesus and onto my problems and uncertainties.
And it worked.
But not for long.
Sitting in my car with worries in my mind, fear in my heart, and tears on my face I decided to do the only thing I know to do when I feel overwhelmed.
My solution has always been and will always be one thing: worship.
So I turned up my worship songs in my car and I sang my heart out about a God who loves me and is faithful in taking care of me.
About a God who hears, and sees, and listens to our every single need and prayer.
About a God who can make a way out of any dead end.
And I told the enemy “nice try, but I am still looking at the One who goes before me, sure you gave me a little scare, but my eyes will remain on Jesus and not your lies.”
I know who my God is, He has been faithful in the past and He will continue to be faithful in the future in providing for me.
I’m believing those words from the song “Oceans” by Hillsong.
“He has never failed and He won’t start now.”
He won’t fail me in my storm and He won’t fail you in yours.
I know you might have moments like me when you take your eyes off of Jesus and get overwhelmed by what is happening in your world, but don’t let those moments turn into days.
Turn your eyes back on Him and keep on walking forward in faith.
You will never walk on water if you are too busy looking at the waves and you will never get past your problems if that’s all you look at every day.
Look at Jesus instead.
As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus he kept on walking in the middle of that storm.
And as long as you do, you will as well.
Remember to keep your eyes on Christ and He’ll help you stay strong with Him. And if you can please keep my job search in your prayers. I’m trusting God that His open door for me will come soon. Be blessed! -Anna… ♥
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:19